Understanding who you are and what you are supposed to be are two of life’s most difficult questions to answer. Ironically, they can take a lifetime to understand. Some people disregard the endeavor as futile and choose to ignore the activity. Others become obsessed with their identity, only to lose it time and time again in their pursuit. Still, others accept life as it is, have their troubles and joys and do their best to just get along. Finally, there is a group that spends countless years trying to understand their nature, their purpose, their reason for existence.

There are many schools of thought one may follow to answer these great questions. By following others, you gain guidance, support and an environment that encourages personal growth. The difficulty comes when you become too tied to a dogma that you are not expressing your true self, but your self as it relates to someone else’s teachings. The teachings become your primary focus.

I remember once, when I started my own journey, I met an older couple who claimed to be Buddhists. They were a couple of “flash-backer” hippies that joined a movement in the late 1960’s. They never let go of the dream of peace and harmony throughout the world. I asked them about their beliefs, and they attempted to explain Buddhism to me in the span of a 10-minute conversation. Though I knew I could not learn very much in that time, I was taken by the enthusiasm they had for their life’s choice.

They explained about Siddhartha Gautama and the Bodhi tree; the four pillars or Noble Truths, meditation and just a lot of stuff. It was interesting, somewhat intriguing but a little psychedelic for me; that could have just been them.

I listened intently; thought about what they said and asked, “Why do you do that?” They tried to explain further that “in Buddhism you must…” I said, “No. Why do you do Buddhism?” They had no answer. They could explain why Buddhists partake in certain practices but could not articulate why they became Buddhists in the first place! Maybe it sounded nice. Maybe it was their friends. Maybe it was the mushrooms! Maybe I caught them off guard and they never gave it much thought. It was just their thing.

This story expresses the obvious downside of taking a dogmatic approach to self-development. It often becomes less about your individual development and more about how you fit with other devotees. Humans have an innate desire to belong. Well, most humans.

Being part of a group requires certain skills. The desire to be liked is an external desire, not one associated with inner, personal development. Some people view personal success as the ability to learn, work and even manipulate the group. I always believe personal success comes from your ability to learn the group while staying outside of its’ influence and moving in and out of the group as you desire.

This does not mean that you are better than anyone, just that you are truly developing yourself. That you are truly ok with being alone with yourself; that you are not afraid to stand alone. But, as with Henry David Thoreau, it is always good to have a nice squirrel friend to keep you company along the journey.